The Epic Rivalry of Sasagawa Kyoko and Sawada Tsunayoshi
by Dandelion-san
Summary: Or the one where Tsuna can cook really, really, really well. (A crackish drabble-like series with no real plot. Canon AU, mostly gen)
1. Chapter 1

_1: This is a declaration of war!_

* * *

Most people assumed it started with Sasagawa Ryohei.

Their guess wasn't too far off the mark, but it actually started with Hibari Kyoya.

See, Tsuna used to have a crush on Sasagawa Kyoko who had a really pretty smile and was always nice to him. Being a bullied young child, the crush was kind of inevitable and the beginnings of adoration was already stirring in his fragile child heart.

Until one day when he witnessed her giving the leftovers of her home-made bento to Hibari-senpai to bribe him into letting her brother go. Hibari-senpai had hesitated before accepting the bribe with a grave face.

It was unforgivable.

Clutching the wall he was hiding behind so hard that his knuckles turned white, he narrowed his eyes and _glared_ (he didn't know this, but his eyes also flashed orange and a wisp of an orange flame appeared on his head).

_The only one who can give food to Hibari-senpai…._Tsuna straightened up and walked away with a thunderous expression. _….Is me! _

He admitted to himself later that he probably could have handled the situation better. But by then, it was too late.

"Ano… Ryohei-senpai?" The next day had Tsuna approaching an older white-haired boy who was waiting outside for his sister.

Ryohei blinked owlishly before grinning widely and pumping his fists in the air. "Sawada! Is there something you extremely need?"

Tsuna looked down and shuffled his feet shyly. "U-um… I-I…" He let himself jump when a strong hand clasped onto his shoulder.

"Don't be extremely scared!" Ryohei gave him a thumbs up. "You look like you want something to the extreme!"

With a look of determination, Tsuna shoved a bento box in his head. Face burning red, he blurted out, "It's for you! Because you chased the bullies away from me the other day…" (He felt a little guilty at using the excuse, but it was _convenient_).

Ryohei, of course, accepted it excitedly and opened it. "IT IS AN EXTREME BENTO, SAWADA!" he roared. "But I would help you out any day, lunch or no lunch!" He took a large bite anyways. Tsuna laughed shyly behind his hand. Ryohei looked a little like a squirrel with his cheeks puffed out.

Then his eyes bulged out in a humorous way as he swallowed reverently.

"Did you like it?" Tsuna inquired brightly. "I made it myself." He could see Kyoko coming to them in the corner of his eye.

Ryohei took a deep breath. And then: "TO THE EXTREEEEEEME!" he screamed and there were literal _tears _in his eyes. Tsuna saw Kyoko froze and he smiled. _Plan is a success…_ "SAWADA. YOU COOK BETTER THAN MY SISTER."He hugged Tsuna who squeaked at the sudden action. "FROM NOW ON, CALL ME ONII-SAN. THIS IS THE BEST LUNCH EVER."

Kyoko dropped her backpack. And Tsuna turned his head, ever so slightly, and looked at her dead in the eyes.

And smirked victoriously.

* * *

During class the next day, everyone froze in shock when Kyoko (sweet, nice, kind) stomped up to Tsuna's desk and threw an oven mitt on it. Ignoring the teacher's splutters, she pointed at him with her right hand and the other on her hips.

"This is _war_, Tsuna-kun," she snarled uncharacteristically. "You just _crossed the line_, yesterday." Kyoko had seen this on TV once - the characters looked so cool! - and from an outsider's perspective, this would have looked hilarious but for some reason, the teacher and every student in the class felt the stirrings of some sort of fear.

Tsuna was frowning, and he accepted the oven mitt with a grim expression. "You started it in the first place," he said quietly. He narrowed his eyes and sneered coldly. "Because I'm the only one who gets to feed Hibari-senpai."

"Oh hoh? So you were jealous?"

The elementary class could only watch petrified as lightning seemed to flash between their normally docile classmates.

"K-kids," their teacher tried to calm them and flinched when she was pinned with a deadly glare that shouldn't have been so frightening coming from _children_.

"_Stay out of it!"_ They both shouted and went back to arguing.

Tsuna said, "I wasn't _jealous_. I felt sorry for Hibari-senpai because he had to taste your disgusting bento!"

"Oh yeah? Well, Hibari-senpai _ate_ my _disgusting_ bento, and guess what?! He liked it!" Kyoko stomped her feet. Tsuna stood up and slammed his hands down on his desk.

"Ryohei – I mean, _onii-san_ – said that _my_ bento was better than _yours_, so I guess I still cook better than you!"

"DON'T CALL HIM THAT, HE'S _MY _ONII-CHAN."

"I CAN CALL HIM THAT WHENEVER I WANT."

"Ts-Tsuna-kun, K-Kyoko-chan?"

And then Tsuna threw down the oven mitt once again. "THIS IS WAR," he shouted.

"FINE," Kyoko screamed back.

"FINE."

"BOTH OF YOU, PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE," their teacher finally shrieked.

* * *

It was the beginning of the weirdest rivalry that Namimori had ever seen.

(It was also the day that Hibari learned true fear)

* * *

_a/n: Meanwhile, various rumors started spreading throughout the school that dame-Tsuna had a crush on Sasagawa Ryohei of all people, thanks to those who were witness to the bento scene between them..._


	2. Chapter 2

_2: All I did was say that his food was good and now he keeps following me everywhere!_

* * *

Hibari Kyoya and Sawada Tsunayoshi were best friends.

…Or rather, it was Hibari who was Tsuna's "friend", and Tsuna was the weird herbivore that kept following Hibari around (of whom no amount of tonfa beating could drive away for too long).

"Hibari-senpai! Wait for me!"

"Tch." Hibari sighed and slowed down so the fluffy-haired herbivore could catch up. It was the end of the day and he was walking around the school yard, making sure that no delinquents were nearby.

He wasn't a kind child, some would say he wasn't even _human_, but threatening to bite Tsuna to death lost its appeal when the younger just beamed and looked at him with sparkling eyes ("_You're still hungry? I have another bento!" Ugh, creepy)_. When he actually _did_ bite him to death, Tsuna would shake in fear and look at him with watery eyes, and while Hibari didn't have a lot of empathy for pathetic life-forms, it felt like he was bullying a small rabbit.

Tsunayoshi also made good food. Like, really good food which was another reason why he let him hang around (their first meeting came to mind and Hibari wiped that away almost as instantly, that never happened, _that never happened)._

"Hibari-senpai…" Tsuna finally caught up with him and grabbed his arm, leaning over and panting in exertion.

"Let go," Hibari snapped, trying to pull away. He almost took a step back when Tsuna looked up with a sweet smile. What… what was up with this killing intent?

"Hibari-senpai," Tsuna repeated and stood up straight, hands still on his arm. "The other day, Kyoko-chan gave you her lunch."

The dark haired child blinked. Oh right, he remembered that. The Sasagawa weirdo had gotten into a fight with several other herbivores and he had beaten them all up for disrupting the peace. When the Sasagawa girl had found them, she'd offered her lunch for him to let her brother go. He'd accepted the bribe – and had beaten his weirdo classmate up anyways.

He narrowed his eyes, remembering another tidbit of information. "Do you have a problem with that?" he asked coolly. "I know you have affections for that girl. No need to worry; I have no such herbivorous feelings for her." He shrugged Tsuna's hands away and turned to leave. He stumbled when the other child lunged forward, hugging his arm back to his chest.

"That's not what I wanted to talk about, senpai," Tsuna chirped, eyes curling into cheerful slits and dragging Hibari to a more secluded part of the courtyard.

Somewhere in Hibari's head, a primal instinct was screaming, 'DANGER DANGER', but he only frowned and ignored the warnings.

"Then what do you want," Hibari demanded. "Stop wasting my time!"

It suddenly felt as if his arm was being squeezed by a hungry boa constrictor.

"I'm not happy," Tsuna said, his large eyes widening innocently. "Because I wanted to be the only to feed senpai." He finally let Hibari's arm go and dug into his backpack, pulling out a rather large bento. "So I made you some food!"

Hibari harrumphed and turned away. "I already ate," he said. "I'll eat tomorrow. Now go away, I have animals to discipline." He sneered, tonfas already in hand.

Tsuna's eyes turned to ice and his smile dropped. He pushed the box into Hibari's chest. "_Eat_, senpai," he said softly. "_Now._"

Ah. There it was again. That strong killing intent… which was being emitted by Tsuna, who was staring at Hibari with slightly wild-looking eyes. Where was the trembling little rabbit? Where was the bullied little animal made of marshmallow fluff and tears?

The grip on Hibari's tonfa tightened and a smirk started to spread across his face. How interesting. Perhaps all that before was just an act.

A blur suddenly came off to the side and he jumped back, avoiding the attack. When he looked down – to his surprise – several chopsticks were impaled to the ground right between him and Tsunayoshi.

"….." He looked to the direction of where they were thrown.

Several wooden chopsticks were in Kyoko's hands.

"Nice dodge, senpai!" she praised as she walked towards them with the grace of a predator. She smiled sharply in Tsuna's direction.

Tsuna scoffed and set his bento box down near his feet. "Chopsticks… really?" He toed the utensils in front of him.

The intensity of their glare almost brought Hibari down to his knees. But he didn't. He wasn't weak – he was _not_, so how…

"Like you could do better," Kyoko said, twirling a chopstick in one hand. "Anyways, I just came here to ask Hibari-senpai a question." Hibari almost flinched when the two's attention turned to him.

"Okay," he finally managed to get out. Was his herbivore reading meter off? How could he have missed them? These two were not herbivores. They were something else. Carnivores? But no. Their presence had never been this strong before.

Kyoko smiled brightly. "I was wondering, which bento did you like better? Mine or Tsuna-kun's?"

Tsuna jerked and glared at her. "That's not a good question!" he said, arms crossing. "Besides, it's _my_ food that he likes best! Right?" He directed this last bit to Hibari. He beamed at him. "We're best friends, after all!"

"Herbivores…"

Kyoko sniffed and threw another chopstick at Tsuna's face, which he dodged with a tilt of his head. "You're just jealous. Poop head."

A vein popped out on the brunet's head. "W-what?! I am _not - ! _At least I don't have cooties!" He stuck his tongue out and stamped his feet. "Cooties, cooties!"

"I do not have cooties!" Another chopstick flew by.

Out of nowhere, Tsuna whipped out his own set.

Hibari watched transfixed as chopsticks started being thrown from either direction. _Why - why do they have so many?_

As the ground and school building started cracking from the multiple sticks impaled into them, he could only come to one conclusion.

Sawada Tsunayoshi and Sasagawa Kyoko were their own brand of species.

It was the only explanation. _They weren't human._

A tiny drop of sweat rolled down the side of his head as a chopstick barely razed his cheek. He twitched. The sacred elementary school building… the school grounds… _his dignity_…

"I will bite you two to death."

* * *

"Sorry, Hibari…"

Both Tsuna and Kyoko looked like forlorn little puppies as they sat on either side of Hibari's hospital bed.

"I f-forgot you were there," Tsuna said sheepishly. He smiled shyly as his hands fidgeted uncertainly on his lap.

Kyoko giggled as she set a bento box on Hibari's lap. "Tsu-kun and I worked together to make you a get-well lunch!" She gave the bed-ridden child a kind smile.

Hibari stared suspiciously at the lunch on his lap. He… wasn't quite sure how he ended up in the hospital – he'd gotten a concussion somehow and a broken wrist – but it was certainly the fault of the two monsters in the room with him who had reverted back to their previous personalities.

Tsuna looked guilty and embarrassed, and Kyoko was just smiling with a hint of worry.

"We only destroyed the kitchen twice," Tsuna said proudly. "But that was because Little Miss Suck-Up had to put the green onions in the omelet _after_ putting the mushrooms in."

"What?!" Kyoko pouted at Tsuna. "I only did that so the mushroom's taste wasn't lost! Besides, you're the idiot who thought frying the eggs right after the meat was a good idea."

"Yeah, so the egg could absorb the grease of the meat thus giving it a little taste."

"Hello_oo_, have you ever heard of salmonella?"

"Why you - !"

Hibari was already eating, ignoring the growing chaos around him.

(No need to turn the two monsters' attentions towards him. Again.)

* * *

_a/n: Thus, the existence of Tsuna's and Kyoko's 'switch' came into knowledge. Mention one to the other and suddenly it's as if every little violence they have in their bodies increase ten-fold. The switch in their personality is a sign to everyone to run far far away._


	3. Chapter 3

_3: my spatula is bigger than yours_

* * *

For the first time in a long time, Reborn felt off-kilter. Like, really, _really_ off-kilter.

When he saw his new student hiding behind the wall when Kyoko appeared, he naturally assumed that the kid had a crush on her. Popular, pretty, and sweet… well, it wasn't unexpected. Boys like Tsuna who were bullied, often latched onto the kindness from the first person it came from, and the files gathered on the kid said that the two were sort of friends.

So he shot the kid with a Dying Will bullet to get him to confess. He was going to beat (torture) the wimpiness out of this brat (one no-good student was enough, thank you very much). It was his job as a tutor, after all.

"REBORN! TELL KYOKO MY TRUE FEELINGS," Tsuna shouted and ran after her in only his boxers. Reborn followed after, inwardly cackling and waiting for the scene to unfold.

"Kyaa!" Kyoko screamed, which was natural when a guy in only his underwear suddenly ran up to you. "T-Tsuna-kun?!"

"KYOKO-CHAN," Tsuna shouted and pointed at her. Reborn did a double take when an unpleasant smirk twisted his new student's lips. "I HAVE ALWAYS FELT THAT YOUR COOKING WAS COMPLETELY INADEQUATE COMPARED TO MINE." Tsuna started laughing maniacally. "THIS YEAR'S CHEF NAMIMORI IS _MINE._ PREPARE TO GO DOWN, MISS SECOND PLACE."

Kyoko gaped. Reborn just barely managed to control his expression. Then he froze when the girl threw her bag down and rolled up her sleeves, getting up in Tsuna's face.

She jabbed a finger in his chest with a frosty glare. "This year's Chef Namimori is going to be _me_. I'm not going to lose again!"

"Oh? Wasn't that what you said last year?" Tsuna didn't seem to notice the change back to his normal state, the flame on his head going out, leaving only a wisp of smoke. Reborn wondered whether he should interfere but a quick look around saw people passing the two by without even a curious glance. So… this was a normal occurrence?

Having enough, Reborn jumped and kicked Tsuna in the side. The younger boy fell on the ground with a pained moan. Kyoko didn't even blink.

"Oh my," she chirped, expression brightening in a rather creepy manner. She leaned down so she was more at Reborn's level. "Who are you?"

"Reborn, the world's greatest hitman," Reborn said bluntly. "Tsuna is my student." Of course, Kyoko didn't look like she believed him but she gave him an indulging smile. But anyways, "What's your relationship to him?" It was to be said that Reborn didn't like being left out in the dark.

The temperature dropped a few degrees. The girl's smile faded. "Tsuna-kun is my rival," she said.

"….Rival?" Off to the side, Tsuna stood up, rubbing the rapidly forming bruise on his side and giving a teary-eyed glare at the hitman baby. Then he turned an accusing look at Kyoko.

"I was trying so hard to avoid you too," he hissed, bristling like an angry cat. "It's because you always try to start a fight that we're late for school all the time!"

"Me?!" Kyoko stood up and put her hands on her hips. "You're the one who started it this time!" She gestured at Tsuna's body, pointing out his lack of clothing. "Look at you! _Why are you naked?!_"

"The flames of my hatred burned my clothes off!" Tsuna screeched, flailing. Reborn quietly processed this statement with a bit of incredulity. Why did he feel like this was going to be a regular emotion with this kid?

Out of nowhere – seriously, where did it come from – Tsuna pulled out a shiny spatula and Kyoko threw her bag to the side, pulling out one of her own.

_What the fuck?_ Reborn thought as he watched his new student and his rival(?) start battling it out in the middle of the street. _Really. What?_

Then, unmarked white vans pulled out to the side and several young delinquent looking teenagers wearing black gakurans and a pompadour hairstyle spilled out. _The Disciplinary Committee_, some part of Reborn's mind noted. They weren't even old enough to drive!

"Code four," one of them was saying into a mouthpiece with a grim expression. "I repeat, code four…. Also… Sawada needs a new uniform." He said that last bit with actual concern.

Reborn twitched as a spatula neatly embedded itself into the wall, missing his face by inches. His lips thinned as a Committee member escorted bystanders safely out, one lady shaking her head and sighing. She muttered something along the lines of, _why if those two destroy the street again…!_

"Sawada-san, Sasagawa-san! Please stop this! Boss is not going to be happy if you destroy this part of the town again! …And you're also late for school…" another juvenile with a scar on his cheek shouted, obviously too frightened to get between the two fighting middle school students (and for good reason). He shrieked and dived to the side when some spatulas headed towards him.

Everything erupted into chaos. Tsuna roared a battle cry (_Fury of a Thousand Cranes!) _and Kyoko retaliated (_Shining Puuuuunch…!)_. Several Committee members were screaming, dodging the surprisingly effective kitchen utensils.

At a loss for the first time in his life since becoming an Arcobaleno, and fearing for his sanity, Reborn abruptly turned around and headed back to the Sawada residence, the sound of explosions and chaos fading behind him. He took out his cell phone.

"Iemitsu," he said coldly. "We need to talk…."

(And then there was that time when Reborn discovered that several insurance companies in and around Namimori had listed Sasagawa Kyoko and Sawada Tsunayoshi under the act of God)

* * *

_edited 7/20/16_


	4. Chapter 4

_4: So it turned out that the Vendice enjoys good cooking like everyone else._

* * *

"Kufufufu~" Mukuro could only give a mocking laugh when that animal of the Arcobaleno's spat out the gloves – Sawada's new weapons. He sneered. "You can't beat me," he said, taking a step forward. "Even with those hands – it doesn't matter! I will _destroy _the mafia, starting with you!"

The brunet stared at his hands with a new light of comprehension. "I see," he whispered, seemingly not hearing Mukuro. He turned to Leon. "Thank you… I understand what I have to do now!"

Off to the side, Mukuro couldn't help but notice the Arcobaleno face-palming as Sawada stood up shakily. "You can still fight? I'm surprised." He twirled his trident, preparing for another illusion. "Kufufu!"

Burning orange stared into his own mismatched eyes. "I will do whatever it takes to protect my friends!" Sawada declared. "It looks like I have no choice but to use this technique…"

Oh hoh? Mukuro gave an amused chortle, although his tone was still malicious. "Go ahead, mafia _**scum**_."

* * *

Later, Mukuro would have a hard time recalling what happened next.

Sawada pulled out something from his pocket. There was the pulsing of Sky Flames. Then the smell of something – something _heavenly_.

And then it was shoved into his mouth. Something _delicious_.

* * *

"Ugh," Mukuro groaned and sat up, blinking. "Where am I?"

He was sitting on something incredibly soft. Frowning, Mukuro looked down. He was surrounded by a fluffy white substance. He stood up and looked around. Everywhere… it was a soft blue. It actually looked familiar.

…_.Is it just me, or does it feel like I'm on top of a cloud in the sky?_

"My child," an old man in white robes suddenly appeared, standing in front of a beautiful, ornate, and very tall gate. "Come!"

Mukuro was not stupid.

He narrowed his eyes, and realized that his weapon was not with him. He shifted, uncomfortably vulnerable. "Who are you?"

The old man smiled gently. "My name is Saint Peter," he answered. "You have arrived here at the very entrance of Heaven, itself! The Pearly Gates!"

Were those sparkles? The self proclaimed Saint was _sparkling_, and – and, "DON'T GIVE ME THAT CRAP," Mukuro screamed, scrambling back, and falling over. He pointed a shaking finger at the old man. "You! What are you?! Don't give me that 'Heaven' shit! I'm a mass murderer! And – and – what's… that smell?"

The old man gave another sparkly smile, his eyes literally twinkling. "Heaven!" he said and threw his arms out. The Gates slowly creaked open behind him. And beyond that, it was –

"_Chocolate_," Mukuro breathed.

Mountains of chocolate. Chocolate everywhere. There was a _chocolate fountain_. He whimpered and crawled forward, reaching out –

* * *

" – _waking up!_"

Mukuro blinked. He was lying down on cement and there were worried brown eyes hovering over him. "H-huh?" he muttered.

"Oh thank God," Sawada sighed with a smile. "For a moment there, I was afraid I lost you!"

"….Chocolate?"

"It's a good thing I had leftovers!"

Mukuro sat up, still dazed. Reborn was shaking his head and muttering, with a look of complete exasperation.

"What happened?" he asked. For some reason, he felt incredibly at peace.

Sawada beamed. "I knew Flames were great for cooking! But it's a dangerous technique – it makes the eater experience Heaven itself, so I rarely use it." Suddenly his eyes flashed as his personality did a complete 180ᵒ and he burst into maniacal laughter. "Kyoko-chan has nothing on this! Ahahahahahaha!"

A chill went down Mukuro's spine and he broke out in cold sweat. _Sawada Tsunayoshi is a dangerous boy…_

* * *

When Tsuna gave the Vindice some of his leftover lunch in return for Mukuro and his friends' – sorry, _minions _– freedom, the illusionist couldn't help but feel vaguely insulted.

_My body is worth a few scraps of food?!_

Although, Ken and Chikusa's whining was starting to get on Mukuro's nerves, so he finally accepted Tsuna's lunches in order to shut them up. He still felt wary about eating it after his _divine_ experience, but after getting a rice ball shoved into his mouth by the smaller boy, he thought he finally understood.

"Have you thought about marriage?" he asked Tsuna brightly, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. Somewhere along the way, his goals switched from using Tsuna's body to take over the mafia world to monopolizing Tsuna's cooking instead. Mukuro may or may not also have started a fantasy featuring Tsuna in an apron welcoming Mukuro home and _would you like dinner first or a bath? …Or maybe me~?_

Reborn shot at the leering teenager.

* * *

And then Mukuro met Kyoko.

(There may or may not have been a few explosions involved – and kitchen knives. Very sharp kitchen knives.)

* * *

_edited 7/20/16_

_a/n: there isn't actually any pairings in this fic, besides some fantasies._


	5. Chapter 5

_a/n: i don't have any imaginations for cool names, haha. 'Life's Spice'? yeah, couldn't come up with anything better._

* * *

_5: "M-ma'am, I think we s-should c-check your p-package…" _

"_Nonsense, sir, the sound of screaming is just your imagination!"_

* * *

The world of cooking was dangerous and competitive. It was full of treachery, backstabbing, bribery – anything in the name of good food.

Of course, there was _that _too. It was obscure to the general public, but for those aspiring chefs, it was the ultimate goal – the Underground Cooking Competition held every three years. Chefs from all over the world came to this event, hoping to win and gain the ultimate prize.

Yes, the gold of their dreams – Life's Spice.

Said to be the rarest cooking spice in the world, taken from the leaves of the Yggdrasil Tree itself (who knew where the spice actually came from, but a cook's logic can't be questioned). Coming in a very small, delicate bottle that was waterproof, shatterproof, and bulletproof, it was rumored that the spice could make any person experience nirvana and gain the secret of life. It was also said that with the right recipe, it was possible to gain immortality.

Yet, who knew if this was true? Many winners had been murdered to get the spice. Some committed suicide. Others wasted their spice on their food to gain prestige and power, rising to the top, only to fall back down again when their supply ran out. Those who tried to use it to gain immortality only failed miserably.

For the past decade or so, there was one person who managed to win the competition _every time_.

A seemingly gentle woman with a soft and cheerful character, yet with the aura of a roaring dragon. She was unknown to the public, living as a simple housewife, but say her name to anyone in the cooking world and they would know exactly who she was. The taste of her cooking could not be compared to anyone else's.

It was untouchable. Unreachable.

Where did she come from? Who had taught her?

There was no one that knew – she was a mystery. Then there was the real question of what she did with her spice. Perhaps she already learned all its secrets, but she wasn't telling. Eventually, chefs from all over the world came to the competition just to beat _her_ – the greatest and the one unbeatable chef in the world.

They called her the Queen of Cooking.

* * *

"Long time no see, Queen." It was a brutish man wearing a ragged chef's apron and hat that greeted Nana at her door one morning.

Her little Tsu-kun was in his arms, looking fearfully at her with teary eyes. The man grinned, holding the knife in his hand closer to the little boy's throat.

Nana thoughtfully stared at the man before she smiled. "Ara? I didn't realize we were having guests," she said and gestured for the man to come inside. "Although, would you mind letting Tsu-kun go…?" She quietly closed the door when the man entered, locking it.

The man growled at her, shaking the child in his arms a little. "Don't fuck with me," he said. "Don't you remember who I am?!"

Nana tilted her head. "Um… I do apologize, but I am very bad with names…."

His eye twitched. "It's me!" he roared. "James Seiji! You beat me last year at the Underground…" He shook his head. "But that doesn't matter… I want it, that prize you won. Where is it?! The spice! Give it to me or you can kiss your brat goodbye!"

Perhaps if the guy was a little smarter, he would have gotten away. As it was, he didn't realize the slight tenseness of Nana's eyes or the way Tsuna was trying to get _away_ from his mother as he recognized the signs of the slowly darkening atmosphere around her.

"Please let my son go," she said, politely.

The knife pressed closer to Tsuna's throat. Trembling, the boy spoke. "Mama," he whispered, careful not to move his throat too much. The man looked down at him in warning. "I don't think he will fit in the new oven…"

The man blinked in bewilderment and then his eyes narrowed. "You brat!" he growled and then blinked again when his hand wouldn't move. "What…?"

"What a rude guest," Nana sighed, cupping her cheek. James looked at her and broke out in cold sweat. He had just realized something.

Before, many winners had been murdered just taking one step out of the Underground, for their spice.

How had this small, delicate looking woman manage to survive for years and keep winning?

He looked back down at his unmoving hand.

"Oh," he said.

* * *

"See, Tsu-kun?" Nana chirped happily, dusting her hands on her apron. "If we try hard enough, even a big man like him can fit." There was the sound of muffled screaming and banging on the oven door. Nana cheerfully ignored it and slapped several postage stamps on top. "Good thing it's mobile."

Lying on the floor, Tsuna was carefully writing on a label in his best handwriting. "What do I write?" he asked.

"Hm, how does Russia sound?"

"Okay!"

* * *

Several years later and Tsuna and Kyoko could agree on one thing.

Their One True Rivals were each other, but the _ultimate_ Final Boss was Nana.

They were going to _beat_ her, one way or another.

* * *

_a/n: Later, Reborn will have quite a shock after learning that the latest assassination attempt was for Nana. "vongola? what the hell is a vongola? some kind of clam soup?" they would say, tied up at Reborn's feet where Nana would come in and blink. _

_"Antonio? oh my, it's been a while!"_

_"QUEEN! I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!"_

_And he would get knocked out by a spoon being swiftly chucked at his head. _

_"I hear Madagascar is nice at this time of year," Nana would mutter, rummaging around for a box, because ovens are expensive._


	6. Chapter 6

_6: Nobody didn't actually DIE, okay?! Please, don't sue us!_

* * *

Chef Namimori was a competition held every year that was open to everyone, regardless of age and skill. It was separated into three categories: children, amateur, and pro. The pro competition was remarkably cutthroat considering the prize, which was pretty much just a giant chef's hat and a year of bragging rights. It wasn't to the level of the Underground – that was, nobody had ever actually _died_ in Chef Namimori, but the intensity was still there.

Both Tsuna and Kyoko had first entered the competition when they were eight years old. See, the children's section was beloved by the audience who enjoyed watching cute, small kids cook somewhat passing blobs while it was abhorred by the judges who actually had to eat the blobs and pretend to smile and comment on how delicious it was and how talented the young cooks are. It was the same kind of routine every year. Until Tsuna and Kyoko came along.

It was something to be said to see two kids taking over the entire competition and reducing judges, audience members, and fellow competitors alike to tears. It was a disaster. It was _awesome._ Never before had anyone else seen a competition so intense that the two kids were fighting in hand-to-hand combat while they came up with dishes that showcased their talent _at the same time_.

Incidentally, they were banned from the children's section until they were old enough to join the amateur's at thirteen years old. Cooking skills vastly improved, they were determined to prove themselves against each other.

Remembering their names, the chairman and event coordinators glanced nervously at each other and unanimously decided to move the two up to the pro section.

"They're skilled enough," one tried to justify.

"Exactly! There are also more sponsors for the pros so they can easily pay off any reparations," said another.

"We had a hard enough time trying to dodge the lawsuit from last time," added another. Then more worriedly, "Would moving them up even be acceptable?"

"Silence!" The event coordinator for the pro competition stood up slowly, the windows casting a dramatic shadow over her features. Unknowingly to the others, she used to be a chef for a prominent mafia restaurant and sometimes it showed a little too zealously in the way she handled certain things. "There is no reason to hem and haw over this." She gave a sharp smile, "I will gladly accept those kids. After all… a true chef lies in the pure feelings of their food. Who says that delicious food is made only with love? No, that is WRONG!"

She banged her fist on the table, making everyone else in the room jump. "It's _passion_! Passion in our hearts! Passion in our regards! Those children… their passionate hatred for each other have created a miracle in their cooking! Passion – that is what drives humanity forward! Yes, perhaps that will create a change in this year's competition! Perhaps _they_ will be the one to lead the others to the light! To going back to being real cooks! To true passion!"

_Maybe this wasn't a good idea_, the others thought as they watched the pro coordinator rant incoherently.

But it was done and Tsuna and Kyoko found themselves being able to participate in the pro competition.

* * *

There was something wrong here, Tsuna came to realize during the preliminaries. 'Wrong' as in ingredients going missing, knives being dulled down, and rusty pots and pans replacing the good ones. Looking over to the next stall, he could see Kyoko's shoulders tense. So, she was having the same problem?

He looked around. There were malevolent eyes on them and surrounding them. His hands clenched the front of his apron. This… this wasn't cooking. A true cook would _never _interfere with another cook's table. Their space. No, even though Tsuna hated Kyoko vehemently, she was also the person he respected the most. The only person he could acknowledge as his rival and he wouldn't try to sabotage her in such a cowardly way. Cooking was the only part of his life that Tsuna felt confident in and he wouldn't let the other contenders try to take that away.

He looked back at her and her eyes met his. She nodded. He smiled. Fine then, if the others were going to try to play them like this then they would _blow_ them all away.

* * *

Literally, they had it coming. Tsuna grinned in satisfaction from hearing the screams of fear that the other pros were letting out while they continued to fly around in a whirlwind that Kyoko had created with her (_Umami Tsunami!_) technique.

Nobody was actually sure what to do with this blatant breaking of the law of physics, but first place went to Tsuna with Kyoko coming in a close second. They also managed to get along for a few more minutes to visit the losers and teach them a little lesson on why cooking should be respected.

It was the first time they worked together and everyone involved agreed that it should never happen again.

* * *

(Unfortunately for Tsuna, Kyoko would win the next Chef Namimori. He would blame Reborn. Reborn would mutter that _their _kind of relationship is something he wouldn't even try to touch, let alone hold him back from. 'Level of God', remember? Damn Iemitsu for not warning him)


End file.
